NOTE: NOTHING IN THIS POST HAS BEEN CHANGED. after reading through it... i'm surprised that my feelings are still the same. maybe... i'm not over it. (shrugs) i wasn't even looking for something sad like this to read, i was trying to look for an old survey so i can pass the time by before i started burying my face in letters and stuff again. ugh... anyway, bit of a sad post and look back into my senior year of high school since i heard a good handful of stories on his end =) it seriously makes me feel better to hear stories of how things have happened for people. i don't think i take it as a way to rub it in or anything. it's more of a... "so it CAN happen" and "ok, so guys ARE supposed to do that for a girl" kinda thing. pfth =) read and you see what i mean.
** these mean nothing without the support of family and friends. i don't think it... i seriously know the feeling. they can be found in a box somewhere i think... yup. never knew what to do with flowers and bouquets, same thing with crowns, sashes, and prized possessions... maybe that's why i do away with gifts =) anywhere... here's the post:
April 24th 2006
just realized that it's prom season back home. just one of those things that i know i should grow out of but looking back, i could've had things be so much better senior year of high school. i can honestly say that being vice president of girls' league was one of my favorite memories just setting up for formals and sadies and what not. being with the girls and going through all the crap and good times. i was almost dedicated to it. i've had more and better memories setting up things and watching how they turn out than being rewarded for it. i really hope i dont get the impression from others that i'm full of myself or anything but what happened, happened and i really just wanna reflect on it. i was happy that i did win for sadie hawkins cuz i had my sister there to make me feel loved and everything, plus it was so early on in the year that i really didn't expect it but i really wish i had a date to it rather than work on the picture booth the whole night. i thought it was cute at that time that i even had a necklace of the ticket with my boyfriend's name on it at the time but apparantly he didn't think so since he wasnt there. he was more worried about me dancing with the king. you'd think i be with him for three years that he'd come to an event that i was nominated for queen right? anyway, i remember loving sadies too because i put a lot of work into it, along with having to dance with kathy hannah and dianna. i love those girls, never worrying about dates like other girls would. basketball homecoming. a week or two after me and alex broke up? im not even sure or exact about it but i remember having to deal with christina getting mad that i was gonna walk out during the pep assembly with andy.. -_- man... anyway, would've been nice if my friends stayed after to take pictures with me after we got handed with flowers and bouquets.. i remember after the assembly, i sat there with my cousin who came to visit for a basketball game and not really doing much. he was gonna go visit a friend's grave so i thought i'd give my bouquet to him to give it to his friend. i told myself though, my friends all leave after 4th period, they just wanted to go home.... "yeah.. i understand they wanna go home early." would've been nice if i had a little support i guess. even during basketball homecoming, my dad couldn't have escorted me out to the crowning. my brother didn't even mind to walk me out, and i love him for that. sibling support for all the little things. of course i was still hung onto the ex boyfriend so i didnt wanna ask anyone else. yeah i was stupid... even after getting crowned spirit queen, i was the first to leave the picture taking process with everyone. i was more excited that i earned the crown and how it's a crown and not a wreath like sadies haha =] but yeah, that and i got a lot of smiles and cheers from friends who i thought weren't as close to me, and younger friends who i thought wouldn't be there... that's what made it a memorable night, getting hugs from friends who i've never seen so often. again... disappointing how the friends i hang out with at school weren't there. thinking (again), "they're probably busy and none of them are into school's sports events anyway.." winterformal... i had to drop two dates and go randomly with someone i only met once at a party in november of the following year. he turned out to be a great date but i still felt bad cuz i still had feelings for the ex while i was at the dance. since at that time it's only been a month after alex and i broke up. but i still had a great night. when i got crowned for queen, there were 4 people who actually made me feel special, lisa perez, annie chung, my date tom nguyen, and david symonds. i'm always gonna remember it, david, "your ex-boyfriend's a complete idiot, you look gorgeous tonight" that actually made me tear up a lot cuz it made me feel a lot better (yes i'm a girl, shut up or i'll kill you). annie and lisa made me feel like i deserved the crown since they put emphasis on how it was based on a voting ballot... i didnt choose to win, the majority of the people there voted for me so i shouldnt have felt like crap but i still did by the end of the night. why? because people were asking for my crowns to wear to take pictures with their friends and boyfriends... isn't that sweet... how nice of them. and then there were close friends of mine who came to me for advice about their problems and had fun with their other friends. emphasizing how much fun they had with each other, coming late to my crowning... yeah, not to be an ass that i don't wanna listen to your problems and stuff but for a split second... show me that you care that i got crowned?... anyway, i really, really, loved having tom as my date cuz he was such a gentlemen, he made the night feel like one of those movie formal moments... stepping in when i was dancing with david for the KING QUEEN dance and took my hand haha. tom, "i'm dancing with a queen" =] hahaha i remember... that morning of winterformal, we went everywhere too. not just me and tom but tom, me, katie, george, van, sharon, my sister, and andrew. =D one of the best formal moments ever! i loved it! i had my own car... i took it out for the whole day, my first cerritos pictures, my first WINTERFORMAL DATE!, getting lost in cerritos, going to andrews house, getting my first corsage put on by the guy, my first day meeting george and everything... it was the best morning ever being with everyone... too bad i couldnt have stayed with everyone since i had to go to bolsa's formal.. but anyway, that was a great morning and afternoon. i didnt mind paying for the tickets and pictures either hahaha van and george, "fuckin tom! you killed her senior year!! (tom was a junior) you didn't smile in any of the pictures!!" hahahaha GAH!! van and george are fuckin awesome! hahaha... man =D then there was prom.. that was the most fun i've had at prom with the girls ever. too bad one couple was going through problems... andy was my date at that time and he didnt wanna do shit. i paid for our ticket last minute, bought his clothes, paid for pictures... yeah... for someone who wasnt enthusiastic about prom... made me not wanna be there either but thanks to YOSHI HANNAH & WINNIE, i had a great time hahaha i didnt get to choose my dress color and everything so... it was all andy's idea... but he wanted to cancel after i bought the dress... so, wtf? so stupid... anyway, appearance wise, i could've done a whole lot better. i thought i looked like shit at prom... oh man and there was diana, kyeu and everyone. man... i love my girls so much, even coming back from college to visit them in high school makes me feel so loved even though i'm so far away >_<. i don't always hang out with them but i get more loved from them than from people i would get more attention from. (i feel so selfish right now... -__-) i also wished i could've gone to luau... stupid andy didnt wanna fuckin go anymore. made me cancel plans with lynduh winnie and emalie. i could've seen giovanna for the last time before she passed away too... =[ R.I.P. Giovanna Tang... man.. graduation was a bitch too.. no pictures... i didnt feel like celebrating. felt bad cuz i had family from florida come by to visit. i drove around graduation wondering where the hell i should go. i wanted to go to the closest drinking party there was to beat myself up before going to disneyland for grad nite... but stupid mr thanh van lived so far hahaha. anyway, so i went home.. changed... went to school.. got on the bus and went to grad nite. felt awkward getting off the bus and instantly hanging out with peter and stuff since i wasnt in the same bus. i can definitely say that was a weird night... cuz i felt more controlled since we couldnt go anywhere we wanted... if i had a choice... i would've just sat back or ate somewhere and get to at least watched the fireworks come up from behind the castle or something. that would've been fuckin great... too bad we didnt do that.. i still haven't seen disneyland fireworks wth man! ok... im going to watch it alone if i have to when i come back from school... i dont care. i've been used to being on my own now, i've learned to not be bothered by it. (yeah... a fuckin loner right? x_x)... anyway, i had so much more fun at la quinta's graduation... again, i feel more loved around those who i havent seen in forever rather than those who i feel like i owe my high school life too 0_0... or maybe it's me who isn't appreciating the friends i have around me enough. who knows... i make up excuses for them to not show up to my nights, and then there's me who go to their birthdays, make sure their anniversaries are going fine with their boyfriends, go pick them up when they got into a fight with their boyfriends.... blah blah... im not sick of being there for them, at all... i just kinda wish i got the same attention, if not... just better karma in the future in other forms other than friendship...
times are changing. change is inevitable.
No comments:
Post a Comment