not worth my time

i have so much to say to lennin at this point but it's totally not worth my time anymore. seriously though, i even posted that i was going to unfollow people, which was nick and lennin, to see if they can say anything directly to me rather than say shit to/about me indirectly on twitter cuz really... i get so many updates that i sometimes overlook those that aren't directed/@ me -- so if they really wanted to get their point across then they should really try to talk to me, right? lol

but yeah, so nick and i have talked things over and if anything, in the end, it's really about the team and one's choice of why they want to be on the team -- for the team itself & personal gain, and not for just one other person on the team. we've got into minor difficulties before and this isn't my first time blowing up on the youngins on the team.

back in the myspace days when some of the team members would always post how they're drunk in class or hung over from a party and just still drunk in class in class... and i always used to point that out and said how unclassy or something like that. pretty much the equivalent of what's seen as a "sloppy drunk" right now. i love it that to those who i used to talk about this with are now older and see my point on things.

it does get old for me to keep telling people to not post things online that makes them look like a psycho nutcase who's so into their own bubble of drama but as long as they're saying stuff that's jeopardizing the team's integrity and image and people are questioning me about their behavior, i will make sure it's understood that they're hella being judged.

i wonder sometimes when youngins these days act the way they do because their idols complain the same way.... i'm trying to think of well known dancers and established choreographers who i know that sits around all day and complains all the time about every little thing in their lives. it doesn't happen, so if people are going to try and be like the person they admire and look up to, i really think they need to follow in their shoes. in no way in hell am i promoting anyone to follow me at this point. i hate it when people think i blog and say shit about youngins as if i'm trying to get them to be like me. no fckn way hahah i still do need help with my composure at times but at least when it comes down to me approaching situations, i feel like i'm getting to the point and not including anyone or anything else in the situation.

which is partly why i have so much to say to lennin since he keeps putting me on blast saying he can have people back him up and say stuff about me to prove his point. when really... if your point is that clear, i really don't think you need anybody else's support and your reasons and experience alone should be enough to back up your accusations.

it makes sense, doesn't it?

if i can write a paper about my own experiences with one other person and write how they affected my life in both bad ways and good, it'll be purely my own opinion.

when other people are dragged into shit, now u have to play in the factor of YOUR own history with that person and what their bias is going to be around and all that wonderful business.

so yeah... my whole point was to make sure that the whole nick and grace issue didn't get anyone else in the team involved and now lennin is doing the same thing in my eyes (there's his online proof on twitter) saying that he can have people to back him up with shit about me... lol talk about frustrating, i feel like i got through to nick and we settled why there was that online rantfest and now i have to go back and do the same thing with lennin on top of all of a sudden he needs me and everyone on the team to acknowledge his existence.

i don't know how my conversation with nick would stir him up and got him to talk about himself in this way cuz i sure as hell never said anything that "degraded" him. all i asked was for proof of when i said i was taking sides (this is getting old for me to say) and again i was just trying to cool down the situation online -- cuz honestly, nick was starting to look REALLY bad not just in front of the team but to his other followers and old members of the team cuz i would hear from it and i don't want any members of my team looking bad in others' eyes. yes, nobody talks shit about members on my team but me lol totally kidding but on that note, i feel like if i can nip it in the bud when gossip and spreading rumors of how bad my teammate looks by telling my members themselves, it will really cut down all of those annoyances.


from how i see it, this situation died down in less than a week.
from past experiences, this could've lasted up to 3 months.

it may not be over but at least i know there won't be anymore online or face to face harassments :)

at least nobody hit or threw anything at each other like what my ex did to me -- ultimately i did not want it to come down to this. stop the harassment before it got any worse.