Underestimating

I'm pretty sure that people are trying to help me so this isn't why I lash at them but I must admit that when I'm given advice sometimes, I wonder if people really think that I haven't looked to the more obvious answers… I see myself as someone who doesn't like to look for a lot of help with projects and stuff and when I do, it's usually when I've exhausted my knowledge and understanding of what I can do—using all of my resources before asking questions is my goal. This bugs me a lot as well when I notice other people asking questions when they could easily find the answer themselves… especially if the answer are one word answers or just takes something like a phone call to figure out.

When I hear the question asked to me about someone else, "dude… is he sick or something?" I know it's not TOO probing of a question but really… if you cared enough, you should probably ask him yourself.

Lately I've been getting a lot of talk about he said she said and is he or she talking about me or who is he or she talking about. Seriously people… if they didn't approach YOU with it, don't worry about it cuz if they really had a problem with you… then THERE IT IS… it's their problem and from what I see… the issue is that they don't have the balls to confront you about it and really can't man up to the "issue" so they need to think out loud to others lol quite unstable if you want to ask me… but hey, I understand that people have to vent but eventually… they'd have to understand that they should just approach you about it if they're that bothered, otherwise, it's none of your concern or worry until they ask you for your opinion or try to talk to you about it if the problem that they have is about you. This is why I don't bother talking to other people about hearing others talk about me… cuz if I was never approached, I don't wanna hear it from another's mouth J it's just gossip and useless to me.

So yeah… yesterday I had to sit down for roommate mediation and try to calm down these three roommates… I felt like I was trying to counsel girls who were avoiding each other and just saying this and that… claiming that she said this and what not… it was a bit intense but at the same time, I wish that there were some people in other organizations could somehow be able to sit down with me and talk to me about their issues and everything so that I could help them resolve their issues. Obviously, this will probably never happen so easily in other organizations. Being an RA means that I have the ability to sit down and talk to others about what it is that bothers each other about one another… I highly doubt that I would be able to sit down two friends and be able to have them negotiate their differences and understandings about things without them judging me as someone who doesn't know what she's talking about. Not that I always want to help but this is just how it is when you meet someone for the first time I guess—I wanna say that most people underestimate others and I've been making it a goal ever since college to give others a chance to show me what they're capable of.

For example… there are a lot of people on campus who I've had classes with and I question how in the world that they've even got to this university… but then again, I know that they got into this college fair and square like I did and they're of a different major so they have capabilities that are far beyond my own in one particular field… it's like when I offer people help in mediation or setting up business plans and people give me that nasty or discouraging look… I seriously just don't mind walking away from them and not care that they didn't want my help. To me, I think I just show my sense of pride differently than what others are used to. If someone's proud of what they're able to do… they would fight to show that they are able to do it when they are doubted. I choose to rather walk away knowing that I could help someone else who's also in the same need rather than wasting my time convincing someone who obviously doesn't trust me in the first place to help. So yeah… I mean… I've only been trained every semester for the past 6 semesters (3 years) to mediate issues between others, refer others to services that would help them better around campus… and other stuff that I can't even mention because it's pretty in depth what I do to get my $15,000 scholarship. Yeah I did just brag a little but I work hard to get my position and being promoted after a year does show something, in my eyes.

I wish others would have the integrity to just approach me more professionally or calmly rather than approach me so coldly just because they're driven by their curiosities as to what I'm doing.